


The Self-Acceptance of William J. Poindexter

by Multifandomx



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandomx/pseuds/Multifandomx
Summary: William J. Poindexter is 18 years old when he meets Derek Malik Nurse. He was scouting out schools that had offered him hockey scholarships. He didn’t say anything to him that day, because what were the chances both of them were going to come here?
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter, William "Dex" Poindexter/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	The Self-Acceptance of William J. Poindexter

The Self-Acceptance of William J. Poindexter

When William J. Poindexter was 13 his older brother, John, found gay porn on his computer, and told their parents. Their parents sat down the remaining 4 siblings in the living room. Their parents told them why they needed to talk to them, and they just wanted to know who watched it. His parents promised they wouldn’t be mad.

Will’s oldest sister Mara was 17 and was confused why someone would watch it on someone else’s computer. Their parents decided to talk to all of them individually after to “ease some of the pressure” as they put it. Mara went first, next Nessa (Will’s older sister), next his little sister, Rachel, and then finally him.

They pulled him into their room and sat him down on their bed. “We won’t be mad sweetheart, just be honest with us,” his mother smiled at him. But Will knew that was a lie, just like they promised they wouldn’t be mad if he was just honest about breaking a vase when he was 10, and then got grounded for 2 weeks. This was far worse than breaking a vase.

Will just shook his head. “Catherine, why are we even asking him? It was gay porn. It obviously couldn’t have been Will. It must have been one of the girls.” Hid dad sounded exasperated, probably from all the conversations. His mother nodded, and let him go.

He went back to his room and locked his door. He sat in his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, and started to cry, because it had been him who watched it. Some boys at school were talking about how weird being “gay” was, but he wasn’t sure he knew what that meant.

When he came home, he stole his brother’s computer to look it up, because if it was weird it must not be good. He clicked the first search result. A video began playing of two men kissing, and then they started doing other things to each other, he didn’t understand. What he didn’t understand more was why he…liked it? If being gay was weird, and he liked this, did that make him gay? 

He heard the front door close signaling he was no longer alone in the house. He shut the laptop and ran out of his brother’s room. After John had finished his homework, and their family had dinner, he went upstairs and discovered the incriminating video. Now here we are 3 hours later, it was 9pm. Will was in bed curled in on himself, because he was scared. He heard his bedroom door open.

He turned around to see John walk in the room and turn on the light. He closed the door and sat in Will’s desk chair. Will sat up in his bed to face his brother. “I know it was you.” Will could feel himself imploding. 

Will shook his head, “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His brother him a look as if to say, ‘do you think I’m dumb?’ He got up and sat on Will’s bed.

“The video, William. I know you were the one watching it.” Will looked at him. There was no way he could know that. “I looked at the time history of my laptop, you were the only one here when I got home. It was accessed before anyone else got home Will.” His brother crossed his arms.

Will could feel tears building in his eyes, because John sounded mad. He didn’t know what to say. He was the only one home, there was no way to defend himself, and John just kept staring at him. “…I…I’m sorry.” It was the only thing he could come up with. 

John sighed, “Bro, why in the fuck were you watching it?” he was whispering so their parents wouldn’t hear. Will knew how to answer this question…at first, but he knew John was gonna ask why he didn’t stop watching it when that started happening? Why was the time bar at 15 minutes of an 18-minute video?

Will just shrugged, that seemed to make John more mad. “Bullshit Will. Bull fucking shit. Why were you watching it? Don’t say it was for research either, the video was almost done. You’re smart, pretty sure you would have gotten the gist before 15 fucking minutes in.” Will began to silently cry. His brother’s face softened at the sight. “…Did…did you watch it because…you…liked it?” John seemed very hesitant to ask the question, almost like he didn’t really want to know the answer. 

Will slowly nodded. He couldn’t bring himself to look his brother in the eyes. “God dammit Will.” John scrubbed a hand over his face. Will began to cry harder, trying to be as quiet as possible. “Stop fucking crying!” Will tried to make the tears stop coming. “Fuck Will. That is so wrong.” John put his head in his hands. “You can never ever watch anything like that again,” he lifted his head, and caught Will’s eyes. “Got it?” Will nodded furiously. “It’s wrong. So wrong, and weird. If I ever find out you do this again, even on your own fucking computer, I’m telling mom and dad got it?” Will nodded again. John got up and left the room muttering something he couldn’t understand. 

Will was grateful John wasn’t going to tell their parents, but he was also scared. He liked the way boys looked. He got butterflies in his stomach when Jacob Black would talk to him, or stand too close. He was scared, and confused. He went to sleep that night with all this on his mind.

\--

William J. Poindexter was 17 when Jacob Black kissed him outside the school’s auditorium after watching the school’s musical, and everyone else had left. He was also 17 when he kissed him back. He and Jacob had been friends since 6th grade, but they had never done this. They went back to Jacob’s house after, and sat on his bed.

Jacob began telling him about all the times he wanted to kiss him or hold his hand, but didn’t. He listened as Jacob began to get choked up when he talked about Robert Clark, who had tricked Jacob into thinking he liked him. When he went to go meet Robert, he was met by a group of guys from their school who beat him up.

He listened when Jacob detailed the day all of his friends started treating him like pariah, because of the rumors. He listened when Jacob reminds him, he was the only one who chose to stay. He listened when Jacob finally muttered the words “I’m gay.” He leaves after he punched Jacob, because being gay is weird and wrong. 

\--

William J. Poindexter is 18 years old when he meets Derek Malik Nurse. He was scouting out schools that had offered him hockey scholarships. He didn’t say anything to him that day, because what were the chances both of them were going to come here?

\--

William J. Poindexter is 18 when he re-meets Derek Malik Nurse, and his heart hurts. Derek might be the most beautiful man he had ever seen, but being gay was weird and wrong. Will was not weird or wrong. Will was a republican, who liked girls, and never jacked off to images of guys…never. 

Will kept finding himself looking at Derek, wanting to touch him, and hold him. So, Will did the only thing he could think to do in order to stop these feelings. He started fighting with him…all the time. Anything Derek said Will disagreed with. If Derek liked it, he hated it. It was the only way to get these feelings to stop.

Except, Derek Nurse was beautiful when he was screaming at Will. The way his hazel eyes would shift to an almost dark brown color, and his brow would furrow when he was making a point he was really passionate about. Maybe, it wasn’t actually helping his feelings, but it made everyone think he hated him, and it made Derek avoid him, so it was kind of working. 

\--

William J. Poindexter is 19 when fucking Derek Malik Nurse comes out to their team. He tells them he is pansexual. Up until now Will had thought that having the feelings was still ok, because Derek would never have the same type of feelings. Will was wrong. Derek Nurse liked guys. While everyone else offered congratulations, Will stayed quiet. This made everyone on the team assume he was a homophobe. But they weren’t wrong. Will hated himself…for liking Derek Nurse. 

At a kegster Derek walked up to Will. He looked very drunk. “Hey, Dexy. Why don’t you like me?” he frowned. “Is it because I like dick up my ass?” Will blushed from his head to his toes. “I’m pretty sure that’s what it is, but if I’m wrong, please enlighten me.” He was slurring. Will walked away from Derek that night confirming Derek’s suspicions.

\--

William J. Poindexter was 20 when he began rooming with Derek Malik Nurse. What he had done to be so unlucky he will never know. He was a good catholic boy, except when he wasn’t…but he never acted on his urges, so he didn’t understand why he was being punished.

“Hey Dex, you want top or bottom?” Derek smirked. Will faked a gag.

“You’re fucking disgusting.” Will threw his stuff on the bottom bunk.

“Well, guess I’ll take top, I don’t mind. I go either way.” Will gagged again. “Dude seriously still with this? You don’t hate Bitty or Wick and Ollie, so why me?” Will shuddered. He was not ready to answer this question. He gulped. “I’m serious. I want an answer.” Just then Chowder walked in.

“We have been moved in for not even 5 minutes, and you two have already managed to start fighting. Really?” He was looking between them. Derek pointed at Will.

“Well, tell him to give me an answer about why he fucking hates me. Seriously, do you know why he would rather see me 6-feet under than anywhere in the proximity of him?” Chowder turned to Will, like he was waiting for an answer. Will sat in the desk chair, and put his head in his hands, just like John had that night. 

“Because, being gay is wrong and weird.” He repeated to his friends. Chowder quickly closed the door, because every other member of the Haus was queer. 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Derek stalked toward him. “Say that shit to my face.” Will stood up to face Derek. Chowder was watching from the side. Both boys were bigger than he was, so there was no use trying to stop this.

“Being gay is wrong and weird.” He seethed in Derek’s face. Derek grabbed his shirt collar and pushed him up against the wall.

Chowder grabbed Derek’s shirt from behind, “Nursey that is enou-“Will cut him off.

“No, I deserve this. Please hit me.” Derek and Chowder both looked at him confused. “Please. Hit me. I deserve to feel the pain.” Derek let go of his shirt. Will sank to the ground. “Please. Why won’t you just hit me? You know I deserve it.” He was looking up at both of his friends. Suddenly they were down on his level.

“Why do you think you deserve to be hit?” Chowder put his hand on Will’s shoulder. 

“Because…being gay is wrong and weird.” Will began to cry. Derek and Chowder looked at each other as if they both realized what that meant at the same time.

“Dex, being gay isn’t wrong or weird. Whoever made you think that is wrong and weird.” Nursey was sitting in front of him. 

Will shook his head. “No, it is. Its fucking gross, and I’m gross. I deserve to be hit.” Derek felt an ache in his chest for Will. He remembered being there at Andover. He thought it was wrong and weird too, but Derek had two moms; he was from one of the most diverse cities in the world. He knew what Will’s family must be like. 

“Hey, Dex. You are allowed to be gay.” Chowder grabbed Will’s hand. “We all love you here, no matter what.” Derek nodded and took Will’s other hand. 

“No one here will hate you.” Will shook his head, pulling his hands away from his friends.

“No. You’ll hate me Nursey. You will absolutely hate me.” Derek seemed confused considering he was also on the queer spectrum. “I…the reason I pick every fight with you…is because…I like you.” He closed his eyes as if he was waiting for Derek to punch him.

“Ok?” Will’s eyes shot up to meet Derek’s. “Why do you think I was trying to get so close to you freshman year, or why I was so excited to room with you this year?” Will looked confused. Derek rolled his eyes. “I like you too dumbass” He laughed. 

“Really?” Derek nodded. Will paused. “Can…can I hug you guys?” He had hugged Chowder before, but it was different. Will always held back, scared of seeming gay if he was more enthusiastic. Neither if the men answered him. They just tackled him. “Thank you, guys.” His voice sounded airy, because his two large hockey friends were crushing his lungs. 

\--

William J. Poindexter was 20 when he and Derek Malik Nurse started dating.

\--

William J. Poindexter was 20 when he lost his virginity to Derek Malik Nurse.

\--

William J. Poindexter was 21 when he came out to his family. He was 21 when his parents kicked him out and told him to never come back.

\--  
William J. Poindexter was 21 when Derek Malik Nurse taught him how to love himself the way he did.


End file.
